What Does Abuse Look Like II? Aug. 30. 17: The Cycle Of Violence

pic cycle of violence

-Have you ever had a friend who was clearly being abused by someone, but they couldn’t see it or they chose to deny it? In my previous post on What Does Abuse Look Like I? Aug. 24. 17, I provided a short glimpse of examples of different forms of abuse.

In this post, I will briefly illustrate a common example of the cycle of violence. I also wanted to emphasize that in many cases, this cycle gets progressively worse over time.

Many forms of abuse start off small and slowly overtime grows into something more severe. The victim over time becomes so used to it happening repeatedly, that they can’t sense that it is getting worse.

I’m here to open your eyes, so here goes:

-Ladies, picture this; your man comes home from work. “Babe, why aren’t the dishes done?” Your respond, “I was taking care of the kids. I had to run some errands then I went to pick up some groceries…”He interrupts you: “Don’t make up excuses, your just being lazy. You’re such a “____ “(You can fill in the blank.) Things may go from bad to worse and you both begin to argue. You might call each other a few names. He might then push you out of the way or explode in a fit of anger. He then takes your keys and leaves. He comes back home after a few hours holding a bouquet of flowers. He says “I’m sorry I hit you babe. If you would have kept everything clean I wouldn’t have gotten mad and I wouldn’t have done that to you. Things seem to get better. He kisses you on the cheek and decides to take you out to dinner to make up for what happened. A few days pass by and slowly tension begins to increase again over another seemingly small issue. This is a classic illustration of The Cycle of Violence.

Below, I wrote out three parts of this cycle. I also obtained this information from the Empower Yolo training I went through in April and May of 2017. Of course, I believe there are spiritual reasons behind this but we will stick to this information I learned for now:

3 parts to The Cycle of Violence:

  • Tension Building Phase: Feelings of, hopeless, fear, tension, anger, blaming, sense of “walking on eggshells” increases. -Kids may feel like they must side with one parent. The kids might try to hide, deny, distract, or try to be a “perfect child”
  • Explosions Phase: Abuser may become dangerously violent, and exhibit abusive behaviors (See previous post: What Does Abuse Look Like I? Aug. 24. 17).
  • Honey Moon Stage: In this stage, the victim is relieved that the angry incident is over. They may feel guilty or now hopeful that things will get better. Good feelings increase but there may still be a lingering feeling that another explosion will happen in the future. The good feelings slowly fade and then tension building phase begins again.


Like I have said before, the first step to ending any form of abuse or violence is by shedding light on the issue and increasing awareness.  By educating people, you are helping to free yourself and free others from this type of situation. Help spread the word!

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